The Phrases shared by My Parent Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the truth rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to talking about the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a broader reluctance to open up among men, who continue to absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to take a pause - taking a couple of days abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."