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This period represents a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your choice to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly extinguish any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic display.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {